Welcome Post #21


Carri Bonner, Editorial Director

The smell of a friend’s perfume … that is what inspired this update for this week.  Yes, a simple smell.  You see, I had requested on Facebook that if anyone had a corset I could borrow, I would appreciate it. This friend, Necie, didn’t hesitate to step up and said she had a corset she would send. It arrived today from Louisiana and it’s gorgeous. But more than the look of the corset, it smelled of Necie’s perfume. Suddenly, I felt loved and cherished by this friend. Suddenly, I felt wrapped up in a hug from her, and inhaled deeply her perfume. And it changed my view on this season. 

Autumn always brings me a little melancholy and I tend to reevaluate my life far more than I should this time of year.  September, October and November are rough months for me. My mother and mother-in-law passed away the same year, within two months of each other, in September and November respectively. Their birthdays fall in September and October. My biological mother’s birthday also falls in September and I haven’t had a relationship with her in 15 years.  So, I find myself struggling, at a loss without a female mentor to guide me in this part of my life. These months in particular, remind me strongly of that loss and the hole in my heart. 

This year, much of that has changed.  This year, when I opened up about missing my mom on the anniversary of her death, someone reached out to me and completely caught me by surprise. She’s more like an older sister figure, however, it touched my heart and really opened my eyes to accepting people in my life that I wouldn’t have thought I had connect with. It reminded me that we all have connections to make with people and that we should never look over someone. It reminded me that we all have our own struggles, and sometimes, just sometimes, we can connect with someone that needs us as much as we need them. 

This year, I turn 40. This year, with more than my moms to think about, I face the fact that at one point doctors said that I would not make it to 40. One of my dearest friends wanted to throw me a birthday party to celebrate that not only did I survive cancer, but I am hitting 40 this year. Fab 40!  I’ve thrown myself into preparation for the party, getting excited about people coming in from out of town to be here for it, thinking about how important it is to celebrate this milestone. Unlike most women, I cherish every year that my birthday brings. I cherish every wrinkle that has appeared on my face, every line that tells its story. 

But even with connecting with a new friend, even with having this wonderful party, I struggled with my own inner demons. I struggled with the fact that my biological mother could just walk away. I struggled with missing my mom and mother-in-law. I struggled with wondering how I could improve my life and why I wasn’t where I dreamed I would be at this age. 

And just like that, the whiff of Necie’s perfume on an item she so lovingly sent me to borrow cured a lot of my blues.  It reminded me that I am someone to be loved. It reminded me that I should indeed celebrate my birthday as my life has a lot in it to be celebrated. It reminded me that I am blessed with friends who care enough to step up and be my family, who are willing to travel to see me and be part of that celebration. 

And it reminded me that sometimes, all it takes is the simple gesture of loaning something we cherish to someone we cherish to remind them that they are loved and cared about. Sometimes, that’s all we really need to know. 

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